Dear Friends, Coworkers, and Fellow Humans,

It has come to our attention that the Rapture is tentatively scheduled for this Saturday, May 21st, 2011.

While God does not usually formally announce when he is going to devour all of your souls, we have it on good authority from religious scholars and people eying their brother’s SUVs  that it will indeed me May 21st. No Take-Backs.

If you do not expect to be present on Monday because you will have been reclaimed by your deity, please do us unsaved the following favors:

1.) If you have any pets, please document them, and leave keys with a godless heathen you can trust. If you can, stock up on pet food for your animals and beat the rush. Gas money and such would also be appreciated.

2.) Report your expected absence with your company’s Human Resources department. Failing to do so may end in your eternal accommodations being re-booked to a more temperate locale. HR personnel are damned from birth and will be firmly on deck to reshuffle those left behind to fill your vacant positions.

3.) When driving on Saturday, drive slowly, try to leave your doors unlocked or windows rolled down so that we can move your vehicle off the road… or reclaim it like God has reclaimed your immortal soul.

4.) You might not be able to help this, but please take your corporeal form (ie, your meat-based soul protector) with you, we don’t want to deal with the mess, and we certainly don’t want to risk you all of you turning into Zombies.

5.) Make sure you’re good with your Deity beforehand, because there’s no Plan B for absolution. heh.

Thank You,
Deadpan
Chinashop-Rodeo.com

Similar to the Evil Overlord list. Which I previously had posted before wiping the old DB tables thinking there wasn’t anything worth keeping.

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